Seeking the Shiv

 

If the searing pain of grief could melt down in these burning pyres- 
I would leave behind my world,  as an illusion-
But I haven't seen or felt the other side of the threshold as yet , 
Where Shiv supposedly dwells, 
Doubts and fears haunt me-
In this known reality of mine, 
I have been in the loops of happiness and sadness - 
The strings of love and hate- tug at me,
Tear me apart - yet I hold on 
For,  through calm and storm

The transient seems like the eternal sun 
Its spectrum as limited, beyond which my eyes will never see- a mind walled into the Panchaboota being 

Till the burning pyres crackle to reveal a different truth - 
The final release of the prana- the life energy 
Indestructible as the Supreme force 
Has to find it's way home- 
How else could it be - 
That energy manifests as matter and vice versa just as an act of randomness ? 
How,  life in our construct of reality unfolds? 
 the bonding and binding to the temporal  
To our fellow beings is not just the blueprint of a larger organism
But the design of Rinaunbandh - 
From my past to present - the lifetimes, I have crossed through these pyres -
Won't the Remembrance reveal Who I am -

 
Even as Shakti dances through  my being 
To the music of life - 
( She has through Sati, Parvati before becoming UMA- the one purified by penance)
In somberness and ecstasy 
It's the Tandav of the dancing flames 
That opens my mind - 
So, in total surrender of all my belonging to this world- I bow to the Shiv - 
The stillness, silence & stolidity that stands as Kailash- 
It unravels at that instant, 
Just as the earth beneath me becomes the ground of Kashi  
The searing pain of grief  dissolves in the burning pyres of Kashi - 
Pure,  true  and eternal,  the soul borne of the timeless pulse of the universe , 
Begins its ascent of Kailash  to unite with the Shiv!